Easiest English Quran Translation to understand

Family disputes: A Call for Respect and Boundaries

Family is supposed to be our safe haven, but there's no pain or hurt worse than when a family member abuses or betrays another. This betrayal can take many forms, from cutting off ties, violating rights, to acts of violence. The stories of such pain are unfortunately common and cross all familial relationships.

Every day, I hear from mothers and fathers, daughters and sons, siblings, nieces, nephews, uncles, and aunts. It's a widespread issue that affects everyone, and it shows that each family member has a role to play in maintaining the harmony and respect within the family unit.

In Islam, the family is sacred, connected by shared lineage and mutual rights and boundaries. Each member has rights given by Allah, and these rights come with restrictions to protect everyone’s dignity and well-being. No one is given the authority to control or own another person. Parents, for instance, do not own their children. Children are a trust from Allah, and parents are their caretakers, not their owners.

Some parents believe they have complete authority over their children's lives, including their marriage choices. They might even use religious texts to justify their control, threatening to invoke Allah's anger if their children do not comply. However, this behavior is not in line with Islamic teachings. Oppression is forbidden in Islam, and forcing a child into marriage is a form of oppression.

Allah has clearly stated, "I have made oppression forbidden upon myself, and I have made it haram among you, so do not oppress one another." Parents can advise their children on marriage, but the final decision should lie with the child, provided their choice is within Islamic boundaries. Using religion to justify coercion and control goes against what Allah has commanded.

This oppressive behavior can have long-term negative effects on the family. Children who witness their parents abusing their grandparents often grow up thinking such behavior is acceptable. They might then replicate this behavior when their own parents grow older, continuing the cycle of abuse. It’s often said, "Monkey see, monkey do." Therefore, treating our parents with respect and kindness sets a positive example for the next generation.

Breaking this cycle of abuse is crucial. Even if parents seem undeserving of respect, it's essential to break the cycle for the sake of future generations. The Quran highlights the distinction between those who fix and those who ruin. As adults, we have the responsibility to learn our faith, seek support, and build healthy relationships within our families.

Allah will judge each person for their actions, whether as parents, children, siblings, or spouses. Betraying the trust within family relationships is a serious matter. Thus, it’s vital to uphold the rights and boundaries set by Allah, treating each other with the respect and dignity that every person deserves.

What's the solution?

My simple solution is, when everyone is in a calm mood, sit down and talk. Exchange thoughts in a calm tone. As soon as you think things are getting heated and people are losing their cool, walk away. Break up the meeting and come back to sit down when everyone has calmed down again, another time, another day. It would take weeks or months. But months of talking is however, better than months of yelling. This way, we all have time between talks to think things through and see things from each other's point of view too, not just your own.

In conclusion, family harmony is built on mutual respect, understanding, and adherence to the boundaries and rights prescribed by Allah. By fostering these values, we can create a supportive and loving environment for ourselves and future generations. Let us strive to break the cycle of abuse and build a family culture rooted in compassion and respect.